Thursday, June 6, 2013
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
[Content note: violation of personal boundaries, also foul language]
Dear denizens of the internet,
In light of an incident which happened to me when waiting for a table in a restaurant tonight, I'd like to give everyone who needs it a not so gentle reminder of waiting in line etiquette.
If you are waiting in line for something, and there is a woman, who is reading something on her phone while waiting in the same line as you, do not go put your arm around her and ask her if you can watch porn with her on her phone.
Now I know this might seem like common sense, but if you're unsure of why you shouldn't do that, it's because you come off as a creepy fuckwad who is invading her personal space. You will be setting off a million red flags in her brain which are there to help her avoid entitled assholes who are dangerous to be around. Even if you don't think you're dangerous, that's still what will be happening, because she can't read your mind. She gets to decide what sort of behaviour seems dangerous to her, not you. Also, even if you are "just trying to be friendly" by doing such a thing, and you can't see that you're being incredibly intrusive and rude, you're an idiot. If you can, and you don't care, then by gods you're a bigger jerkface than anyone could have predicted.
If you can't think of other things to do while you're waiting in line, try checking your own phone. Or talking to the group of friends you're with. Or staring at the ceiling. Or attempting to start a polite conversation that isn't about a sexually charged subject with a stranger. Or anything else that doesn't involve inserting yourself into somebody else's personal space without their permission.
If you do somehow find yourself in the embarrassing situation of having already put your arm around a woman who is a stranger to you, and she says "don't touch me", one thing you absolutely do not do is direct your apology to another man who happens to be standing near her. Most especially you do not apologise for "stepping on his toes".
I would have thought that this seems like common sense, but if somebody says to you "don't touch me", you generally apologise to the person you touched. There isn't anyone else to apologise to, since you are have invaded that person's boundaries, and nobody else's. A woman is not the property of her male partner or father, so you are not breaching any of their boundaries by touching her without their permission. A woman who goes out in public without her (male) partner or her father is not "free game to whatever to with impunity because she's out without an owner", because she owns herself. I really shouldn't have to remind anybody of this, but pre-school 101 still applies: keep your hands to yourself.
If somehow you're managed to invade a woman's personal space, and then apologise to the wrong person, and she and the group of people she's with get angry at you, you should know that "I was just trying to be friendly" and "I was just joking around" are not justifications for your behaviour. There is no justification. You don't get to touch people if they don't want it. That goes for everyone. If somehow you've got this far into the situation, and you're still trying to defend yourself, all I can say is "dig up, fool!". You've just perpetuated a nasty bit of retrograde sexism and rape culture which claims that women do not own their own bodies. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Receive article suggestion from university friend that I "might find interesting" (read infuriating), and much typing is done in procrastination.
So what I'm getting from that article is
"citation needed on your rape statistic ",
"I call bullshit on genetic differences in spatial reasoning and emotional intelligence, that's learned behaviour (so very difficult to measure a genetic effect), and citation needed",
"Good, you're a nice guy who doesn't rape people. Have a cookie.",
"I call bullshit on rape being universally condemned, for sure it is in name, but actions speak louder than words. . Also you just described rape culture in your refutation of it existence. Whoops!",
"feminism has accomplished all it's goals? ROFL NO, explain the dearth of women in power in the upper levels of politics, business, etc, and excluding women who take time off to be a mother doesn't correct anything, why aren't men doing that too? Why is it that women on average still have a much smaller economic power than men?",
"wait, we have full reproductive rights? I guess the odious Right to Life [sic] group isn't actually trying to take away women's right to their own body or anything, also like, everything that's happening in American politics right now, and the 7-year court case the Right to Life [sic] group has been having with the NZ justice system to try and take away our rights to control our own body. Also New Zealand's abortion law is still in the crimes act. Yes, there's clearly not any need to advocate for reproductive rights anywhere in the west any more ",
"LOL you think the current justice system actually deals with rape well. Yes, for all other crimes it's debated that it wasn't a crime at all because of your past actions. Like, you gave away a present once, that means that you didn't get robbed, you just gave the robber a gift! LOL of course that doesn't happen", and
"I think you don't understand the point of the Slut Walk. It protests the idea that women "deserve" rape if they wear "provocative" clothing, which is something you claim to support",
TL;DR: The article seems not very well informed, even though I'll admit that it is better than most things that come out of the "manosphere". Comment #3 by Paul has some good points, and later Mark Neil also makes an informative comment.
 If you want some real statistics on rape, it's estimated at 18%, not 8%, using a very narrow definition of rape (this number only includes rapes by force or impairment using substances. Rape via coercion is listed separately at 13%). (This is from a US perspective, but the culture there is not so dissimilar from here). This is from 2010 results of the The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey from the US Center for Disease Control (pdf):http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Executive_Summary-a.pdf
Fact sheet about victims and perpetrators of rape and sexual assault from the University of Massachusetts (pdf):http://www2.binghamton.edu/counseling/documents/RAPE_FACT_SHEET1.pdf
 You know, I'd type it all out and add more references, but Melissa McEwan's done it for me.http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html
Also, even if rape weren't so common in western society, the way it's held over women to generate fear would be a problem in itself. See this thread for some examples of how the threat of rape curtails women's daily movements:http://www.shakesville.com/2008/10/feminism-101.html
 Read any news relating to the American Republican Party, and their promises to "overturn abortion" and "fight contraception" and their all-male panel on contraception.
Right to Life [sic] (RTL) v Abortion Supervisory Committee (ASC) court case:
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
I've been very tempted to add the following to my profile at work recently:
If you're about to send me a love letter, or a note telling me you like me, or similar, stop.
It's very unlikely that it is appropriate to use your work email to do so, and if you don't have a personal address to send it to, then you probably don't know me well enough anyway.
Seriously, I'm flattered that y'all think I'm cool, but fuck off.
Case in point.
I won't really put that up, but seriously, I would have thought guys would have enough sense to realise that that's probably not a good idea.
Monday, March 5, 2012
I could go on. But most importantly, when all of this is true for every person on the planet.
Sadly, this is unlikely to happen in my lifetime. That doesn't mean I can't begin laying foundations towards a better future for the next generation.